The Spirit you received does not make you slaves, so that you live in fear again; rather, the Spirit you received brought about your adoption to sonship. And by him we cry, “Abba, Father.”
Romans 8:15 NIV
I had always struggled with fear.
Even as a little girl I remember the feelings of dread, worry and uncertainty that would dominate my mind.
It was as if a black cloud of negativity followed me around, convincing me that something bad was going to happen.
When things started to look up for me, tragedy would strike, leading me right back to the dark cloud.
In a weird sort of way, it became a comfort.
It protected me from expecting too much good, helping me to avoid major disappointments and failures.
Or so I thought.
Because I experienced this at such an early age, I assumed that it was just “how I was made”.
I would go to church and hear about how wonderful Jesus was and then return home wondering why I was so messed up.
The messages I was hearing, conflicted with the feelings that stirred inside of me.
The battle to believe was not an easy one.
Overcoming Fear and Anxiety
Don’t get me wrong, I knew Jesus was real.
I just wasn’t sure that He loved me.
I wanted to believe He did, but the condemning thoughts from any poor decisions convinced me otherwise.
Throughout jr. high, high school and even college, I struggled with where I fit in.
Not just in “clicks” with friends, but in life.
I thought if I just played by the rules, I would be fine. I would be accepted.
Although on the outside I was a “good girl”, on the inside I was a picture of religious snobbery. I was a Pharisee.
I would judge others according to my standards, which were set high enough so that no human being could reach them—including myself. Pushing myself hard made me believe that if I was just good enough, then maybe God would accept me.
Perhaps He would take away the fears, the insecurities and worries.
On the contrary, it lead me to be performance driven.
The harder I strived and the more success I had, the emptier I felt. I was always waiting for the next big success that would fill that empty void.
Want to gain victory over fear in your life? Join me for a 5 Day Prayer Plan for Battling Fear.