How to Forgive When You Can’t Forget
Forgiveness is a funny thing, isn’t it?
Not a haha funny, but an interesting funny.
Recently I ran into someone that I hadn’t seen in a few years.
I thought I had forgiven them.
It’s not like I really think much about this person.
Yet when I saw them–that “feeling” began to come up. You know that feeling.
The one that makes your stomach tense and pressure begins to rise up in your chest.
I didn’t expect to feel this way.
The offense happened several years ago and wasn’t actually targeted at me, but at a family member.
Had I truly not forgiven?
As I got back in my car I tried sorting through my thoughts, hoping to pinpoint where these feelings were coming from. As I began talking to God, I realized what was happening.
Sometimes we think we’ve let go of things, but in actuality, we stuffed them deep down inside and forget they were there….until we see the person again.
It’s amazing how fast that thing can come back up!
The bible tells us to forgive, just as our Father in heaven has forgiven us.
Clearly we want to be obedient.
But let’s face it, there are times when forgiving is excruciating. The scenario of what was done to us (or a loved one!) replays in our minds over and over, preventing us from “forgetting”.
Although I hadn’t thought about this person in a while, there was a time when I was caught in the replay cycle.
I had played the offense so often in my head that I actually never let it go.
The person was out of sight, so the offense was out of my mind, but not my heart.
When I saw them again the hurt came bubbling back up, causing me to relive the situation. Once again, I was having a hard time forgetting the pain this person put my family through.
How do you Forgive When You Can’t Forget?
Lay Down the Hurt
Give your burdens to the Lord, and he will take care of you. He will not permit the godly to slip and fall. Psalm 55:22 NLT
When we are hurt by someone else’s words or actions, we usually have a long list of demands that we feel will rectify the situation.
We may want an apology, an explanation, or even an action.
Yet none of these things will actually bring healing.
Laying the hurts down before Him is crucial for us to forgive. Crucial.
So how do we lay down those hurts to Him?
Every time we think of that situation or that hurt, we can pray. Here is a sample prayer I have had to pray many times when trying to forgive:
The first, second, or even third time you pray this, nothing may change. But the more you release them to God, the more healing will come. As you lay these things at His feet, He will take care of you.
Remember How Much You’ve Been Forgiven
If you forgive those who sin against you, your heavenly Father will forgive you. But if you refuse to forgive others, your Father will not forgive your sins. Matthew 6:14-15 NLT
When we are hurt, our natural desire is to make the person “pay” for what they’ve done.
Through our words or actions, we usually choose to confront or isolate.
Yet we often forget the choice of extending grace.
We can do this knowing that we have received much grace from God. As I researched the word “forgive” in this verse, I found a very interesting definition.
forgive– aphiēmi- Strongs G863- to send away, to let go, give up a debt or forgive
When we forgive someone, we actually give up our right for revenge.
Think of it as forgiving a debt.
Just like Jesus paid the debt for our sins and forgave us, we can forgive others for hurts they’ve caused us. We can recognize that we’ve been hurt, but we are choosing to let go of the offense.
(Here are some links to great additional resources! As an amazon affiliate I earn from qualifying purchases. You can read my full disclosure here)
Forgiveness Doesn’t Mean Denying
As I sat sulking over the hurts of my loved one, God reminded me that when I forgive, I’m not excusing the pain the person has caused. The pain is real, but we don’t have to let it control us. It reminds me of the saying, “Holding on to an offense is like drinking poison and expecting the other person to die.” When we refuse to lay down the hurts, we are in essence hurting ourselves. We may argue that the person intentionally tried to hurt us, but their motives are not to be our concern.
All of a person’s ways seem right in his own opinion, but the Lord evaluates the motives.
We can try to figure out why the person hurt us or justify why we should be upset, but it doesn’t produce what we’re really after…. healing in our souls.
Rest in our minds and emotions is what we’re really seeking, isn’t it?
Know this friend, your pain is real and God sees it.
Forgiveness is not denying the pain but giving the pain up to the One who can heal.
I have seen this person quite a few times since I began writing this post.
As I’ve given the situation over to God, I no longer feel the awkwardness when we make eye contact.
On the contrary, I’ve actually been cordial.
It’s amazing how God can touch the untouchable hurting places and make them whole. He is a marvelous God, who delights in restoring His people.
Are you living in turmoil from a past experience? Are you having a hard time forgiving someone who has hurt you? God is faithful to use those things for your good and His glory, if you are willing to lay them down. When we loosen the hold we have on our hurts, God is right there waiting to take them and make them into something beautiful.
>>> Are you ready to start forgiving?<<<
If you’re in a place today where you are ready to let go of the hurt and forgive but need some guidance, I want to invite you on a 31-day journey to forgiving and healing with the Forgiveness Bible Study Journal.
With this Bible Study Journal, you’ll:
🌸Gain a better understanding of what the Bible says about forgiveness (what it is and what is isn’t)
🌸Work through some of your own unforgiveness and discover how you can forgive even the most difficult hurts
🌸Learn how to practically lay down your hurts when unforgiveness rises up
so very true: only God can heal the hurt so laying it before Him first and continually is the main thing. Thanks – we only flourish when we do! funny how God allows us to recall that we haven’t done that yet…
there was a time when going to a new doctor or dentist i would answer the question of whether or not i had any allergies with “only to my brother and step-father, i suffer a severe personality change whenever i am within 100 miles of them.” and it was true, unfortunately. traveling to see my mother, or even my niece, i would feel my stomach tense and my inner Amazon begin to break out of the room that i had locked her in. both of those people knew which buttons to push to make me lose control of my tongue and lash back defensively with words i could never erase. the hurt they caused me with their words and actions has long since been forgiven. my step-father passed away before i could reach out to him with arms of forgiveness, but i was able to comfort his daughters, one my step-sis and the other a half, when he was gone, and comfort them honestly for their loss. but my brother and i no longer speak to each other. i’ve forgiven and let go of the things he has said to hurt me and tear at my heart, but he has not, choosing to keep every angry, defensive email or text response to something he had said and done to me. he has said that he will never speak to me or forgive me until i apologize in detail for each and every one. i honestly don’t hold onto things that cause me pain, and have long forgotten and deleted the emails and text messages that he sent me. i choose not to continually rip off the scabs on wounds that are 10, 12, 20 years old. there is no point in letting them rob me of my joy. i forgive him in each prayer i say, and pray that one day he will find grace and peace.
That is awesome that you have been able to forgive him, Cindi! Sometimes we have draw healthy boundaries around those who continue to hurt us. Other times we have to let them go, because they can’t move past the situation. Either case can be difficult. Praying that God would move on his heart and help him to realize the peace that is wrapped up in forgiveness.
Thanks for your thoughts on SUCH an important topic! My husband wrote a doctoral dissertation on forgiveness, so it always draws me. Such a struggle for all of us. This was eye-opening for me: ” “Holding on to an offense is like drinking poison and expecting the other person to die.”
That’s how I felt the first time I heard it! It’s so true though, isn’t it? The other person may not even know we are offended by their actions or even realize they need forgiving. By holding onto it we are hurting ourselves way more than them! Thanks for visiting Betsy!
This is so real to me. I know that I let it go, but there it is again, and I feel that I just keep picking it back up. I finally did many of the things you have given us today and the hurt began to subside. Now when I see this person, I can hug her and love her. We do not have a close relationship but at least we have one now. I appreciate the prayers and the many other pieces of releasing unforgiveness for I need to remember those too. Thank you, Thank you!
Oh that statement about the poison. I’m going to save this. I know it’ll come in handy. Thanks for sharing.
I know! Forgiveness is something we all have experience over and over again! Thanks for stopping by Debbie!
Oh my! You are so right about expecting others to make amends, but only God can heal. I’ve learned this one personally. Thanks for sharing your wisdom!
Great post—and my favorite point is that forgiving isn’t denying that the offense happened. It’s simply a way of allowing ourselves to move forward and not let bitterness take root and destroy us. Thanks for sharing these tips and your story!
Thanks, Kelly! That was such an encouraging revelation for me. Thanks for visiting today!
I have never liked the saying forgive and forget. We can never forget our past but we can forgive those who hurt us. Personally I found that during this time God teaches me my most valuable lessons. I encourage everyone who has been through stuff to listen to the song Scars by a group called I Am They. This song is my personal testimony. I’m a domestic violence survivor.
We’ve all heard the bad advice associated with forgiveness — and now we’re reading the good advice here in your space. Thanks for these words that will surely lead many to freedom!
We can’t forgive on our own. Blessedly, God is ready to help us. Sometimes we need a lot of grace ourselves before we are ready to forgive. But it certainly always bless us (and not the offender). Thanks for this great post. God bless you and your ministry here!
So very true, Mari-Anna! Thank you for visiting today! Have a great weekend.
I love this post. I have walked this road of forgiving and giving to God while living with the daily reality of what happened. Every one of your points was spot on, thank you for sharing!
Thank you, Sandra! Forgiveness is a hard road many times. I wish someone would have shared these principles with me earlier in life!
Forgiveness is such a hard topic to think on. This entire post holds much needed wisdom for us all. May I always keep in the forefront of my mind how much I have been forgiven. This thought always humbles me and softens my heart towards others. Grateful for this reminder today. Blessings!
Yes, Joanne! Knowing how much we’ve been forgiven always puts us in a posture of humility, doesn’t it? Thank you for visiting today! Have a blessed weekend.
God can heal the hurts in our heart no matter how deep they are buried. We have to turn those hurts over to Him and let Him heal us. Jesus has paid the price for us so that we can live in victory. May we release all those burdens to Him as we seek to live fruitful for Him. Thank you for sharing your heart here today Alisa. Have a wonderful weekend and may God bless you and yours!
You are so right, Horace! Thank you for visiting today and have a wonderful weekend!
This post is something I needed. This year has been hard for me because I am currently trying to heal from the pain that a very close family member caused me. I know that the only way that I can truly heal is by forgiveness, but that is the hardest part. Thanks so much for sharing this post.
Family hurts can be some of the worst, Valerie! I know I’ve been on the receiving end of one of those too. Praying that God would heal the relationship and mend your heart, in Jesus’ name.
Thank you for sharing about forgiveness. I have been caring along a hurt from people but today thru yr post I choose to forgive and forget. Thank you so much
Remembering how much I have been forgiven always humbles me. How could anyone forgive the hurt I’ve caused? But knowing what Jesus did for me allows me to get past any of that and offer that same forgiveness to someone else.
Such wisdom here. Several years ago, I forgave someone for a terribly hurtful thing they did to me. It was an act of will enabled only by God. I’ll never have to test it out, as around the same time I forgave him, he was killed in a crazy accident. I can’t wrap my head around it all, but I know God has made sense of it! Blessings to you for sharing these great insights!
Wow, what a testimony Liz! Another reason we can trust God- He knows the end from the beginning. He knows what’s best for us. Thanks for sharing this today.
Great thoughts on a tough subject. I loved your advice: “we often forget the choice of extending grace.” Remembering how much we’ve been forgiven also helps us take the high road and forgive, even when the other person thinks they’ve done nothing wrong.
I also like how you said we might have to go through this process two or three times … a day – in my case!
Thanks, Jerralea! It is a tough subject indeed! Thanks for stopping by today. Hope your having a wonderful weekend.
This is always good advice, BUT, there is one thing nobody ever seems to address. I read a lot about trying to forgive an offense that happened years ago, and we all agree it needs to be dealt with and given over to God. Here’s my question: How to couple forgiveness with protecting yourself from a person who will never stop doing the hurtful things over and over and over again. I have a sister who is an alcoholic/rage-a-holic. For over 25 years has been drinking then calls & now texts every family member (makes the rounds) and yells, cusses, & says all kinds of foul things. I now want nothing to do with her ever again because I do not believe it will ever stop. I consider her to be my worst enemy. She has caused so much damage and hurt so many family members. I pray for her as my enemy, like Jesus told us to, but I do not want to ever see her again or hear from her again. Is it unforgiveness if I want to erase this evil from my life? It will not stop.
Debbie, thank you so much for your transparent comment. You have a really great question that many people struggle with, including me. It’s interesting that you posted this comment today, because I am writing a small group lesson for a local church on this very topic. The obvious answer would be to establish healthy boundaries. However, I know from experience that it’s not that simple or easy. Your comment and my writing for the church has sparked an idea for a new blog post on this particular subject. So stay tuned…. I will include all the resources I use to write the post (books, podcasts, or articles). In my personal experience, forgiveness always starts with prayer. I have had to continually pray for the person. Not that I’m seeking to change them, but when I pray for them God changes my perspective of them. It allows me to see them the way He does. It doesn’t change the boundaries I’ve established, but it does change my heart toward them. I’m praying tonight that God would guide you and give you peace in regards to this relationship. Thank you again for being brave enough to post this question.
This is a great teaching on forgiveness and how to practice it. We’ve all been there and from experience these truths work out in REAL life! Thank you for writing and offering a perfect reference for anyone struggling through this process. Visiting from #searchingformoments today 🙂 Love reading your blogs!
You know I just started leading an 8-week study on Forgiveness today, right? 🙂
I will be sharing this with lots of people.
That’s awesome, Lyli! Is it online? Thanks for sharing!
Beautifully written and perfect path to forgiveness! Glad I found you today on the #raralinkup!
Thank you, Lorraine!
Hi, I’m coming over from Crystal Storms blog today. I love water color flowers, they add so much but are so little. Your words are so true. Thanks for reminding me of this truth.
Thanks for visiting Diane!
Dear friend! This is a wonderful post! I, too, have struggled greatly from past hurts and offenses. One of the most powerfully liberating things I have learned is this…if I pray earnestly for that person (NO, it is NOT in the least bit easy, in fact it takes everything I’ve got within me…at least, in the beginning!), God actually replaces the hurt, bitterness, and resentment with Divine love and PITY. I am truly amazed at how He has done this repeatedly. When I first start the praying, it may not be 100% sincere, (because I just can’t bring myself to be,) it is more out of obedience, but, over time, as I continue to persevere, my prayers reach that point, and I begin to see a transformation that I cannot believe and could never accomplish on my own. There is one pain, in particular, that I am thinking about (and can’t forget!), that this has happened in such a wonderful way. I actually pray for them now with a genuine burden and plead with God to BLESS them in a big way. I mean it from the bottom of my heart now, all glory be to GOD. He is SO faithful! If and when I start feeling that old familiar feeling start creeping in, I get back to praying hard! LOL!! It truly, truly works!!
That is so true, Cheryl! I have had to do the same thing. Honestly I think being willing to pray for them is a litmus test for forgiveness. I know when I refuse to pray for them, that I’m holding onto an offense and I’m refusing to forgive. You’re again absolutely right…praying for them actually does something in us. It changes the way we see the person. We can’t control others, but we can control our response! Thank you so much for your beautiful insight. Praying you have a wonderful rest of your week!
What a great post. Holding onto old hurts really only hurts US…not the one who caused us the pain. Forgiveness sets us free and the only way to forgive is through the grace of God. Turning it over to Him is the only answer. Thanks for sharing.
So very true, Lucie! Have a wonderful week!
Yes. Was just having a discussion with a friend about the stuffing it down and assuming the anger is not still there aspect. When it comes back up, your description of “replay” is so apt. I often get “stuck in a loop” thinking about something negative. Been learning to stop it by doing just what you describe here- giving it to the one who can take care of the hurt! Thanks for sharing this wisdom!
Such a great conversation, Bethany! Laying it down seems like such an easy concept, but the reality of doing it is not so easy. It takes discipline to repeatedly lay someone or something down, but when we do it we our souls can rest. I’m so glad you stopped by today.
Alisa, a wonderful post we all can relate to. I have been comforted by OT Joseph’s story. He forgave, but he still felt the pain of the losses he’d experienced because of his brothers.
I love the story of Joseph! Who can’t identify with some part of his story? I love how he consistently turned to the Lord when he felt the pain. Such a beautiful example of how we can respond. Thank you for visiting!
Thank you for this, Alisa! I love your prayer for laying the person and the pain before the Lord. It’s almost impossible to forget when the event completely changed your life going forward. The thing I always remember is God has used for good what was intended for evil. He has done amazing things in my life. God’s blessings to you!!
Thanks, Deb! You are right, He is so faithful to use every hurt for our good and His glory! Thanks for stopping by today.
You’re so right that the things we think will heal our hurts and mend our hearts never do. Releasing our pain to God unclenching our fists from our bitterness is the only way to find true freedom. Thank you for your words. They blessed me!
You spoke the words that have been on my heart for a while, and I haven’t yet penned. But I think you did it much more eloquently than I would have. Beautiful. Thanks for sharing your heart.
Thanks, Amber! Forgiveness can be such a difficult subject to put into words. Thank you for visiting. Have a wonderful week!
Great wisdom here! Forgiveness is absolutely essential to living a blessed life, but it isn’t always easy, is it?
Thanks so much for joining the Grace at Home party at Imparting Grace. I’m featuring you this week!
Thanks so much, Richella! You are right, it’s never easy but absolutely essential. Have a great weekend!
Very good word.
Thank you for this post. I needed to hear these words.
Very nice blog.
Thanks, Deborah! Have a wonderful weekend!
This really blessed me and it was very insightful as well as helpful! It was just what I needed in the place that I’m in! Thank you for your obedience and sharing!
I’m so glad it was helpful, Brittany! Have a blessed day!
I really appreciate this post. Forgiveness is one of the hardest commandments our Father has asked us to follow, in my personal onion. It is definitely one I struggle with on a daily basis. I might just be missing it, but it looks to me like you meant to have a brief prayer we could recite when we are having hard time forgiving, but it doesn’t seem to be after the colon. Could you respond to my comment with the prayer? Thank you very much, and have a blessed day!
Such an important topic… and rather a rare one too. Unforgiveness eats away at our joy and walk w/ God and others… so important to deal w/ offenses correctly even if there is never an apology or acknowledgement of wrong doing. I find the sooner I do it, the easier it is. That awful feeling you are talking about is so hard.. but what a blessing it is to alert us to something wrong in our hearts so we can deal with it. 🙂
Right on! The sooner I do it the easier it is for me too. If I wait too long I begin to talk myself right into why they don’t deserve my forgiveness. The truth is we’ve all needed to be forgiven! Thanks for sharing here today! Have a wonderful week!
This is excellent and encouraging. I can admit I needed this! Thank you for sharing your heart for forgiveness here.
I was in tears reading this. Thank you so much Alisa! You touched my heart in ways you’ll never know. God is great! ❤️
Thanks, Wennie! Forgiveness can be such a difficult thing. Praying God works these things out like only He can! ❤️
Thank you so much for this important reminder. Unforgiveness affects so many aspects of our lives, including our health. And… My personal experience is that I cannot accomplish forgiveness on my own. I need God to help. 🙂
So true, Shawna!! Forgiveness is not easy and affects us in so many different ways. Choosing to forgive definitely requires help from God!
Remembering how much we’ve been forgiven is such a powerful one. I always think “what if God didn’t forgive me”????!!!!!! It humbles me and leads me to forgiveness even when it’s hard. But forgiveness is really more for your freedom and sanity than for the other person. It’s a burden lifter.
That’s so true, Tosin!! It really is more for us than the person we are forgiving. If we choose not to forgive, it festers and turns into bitterness, which is a lot harder to get rid of! So grateful we have been forgiven…just based on that we can forgive others.
I know this was from last year! Yet I feel the Lord lead me here and so grateful! For I thought I had forgiven a family member and realized I have not. So thank you for writing this post on forgiveness. Such great reminders of what I need to do to get past and have my peace and joy back! Thank you!!
Thank you Alisa for the prayer note you gave. As you’ve said, I thought I have forgiven until I see the person again.. the knot tells me, I am still struggling with it.
Forgiveness in Freedom. Unforgiveness is bondage. I love that prayer you posted… reminding me that whatever is keeping us in bondage can be broken off of us… by the One who triumphantly rose from the dead and makes all things fresh, new and clean. I tried forgiving on my own strength… but found it too hard. Oh how we need that precious healing balm of God’s warm love in us to cleanse and heal our hurting hearts… and make us new again. Oh thank you Heavenly Father.
Thank you for this. I was doing research for my own blog when I came across yours.But this article hit me on a very personal level. I thought I had forgiven someone for something that has torn and continues to tear my family apart but yesterday the wounds were ripped open again and I was angry. Your article brought tears to my eyes. I will be using it for a while I think. Thank you so much. I was feeling like true forgiveness was going to be impossible. Blessings on you and your ministry!
Alisa – this is such a wonderful post! I have found in my own life remembering how much I’Ve been forgiven is such a game changer in my attitude towards forgiving people! But I also love your tip to remember that forgiving doesn’t mean denying. It doesn’t mean that what wrong was committed against you is okay, or that it didn’t cause pain – and that is so helpful in being able to move forward in forgiveness.
I think the hardest part of forgiving others for many of us is that we feel like that it means we are denying the offense. But God is a God of not only love but justice as well. So we can leave it to Him and move on free from the bondage of bitterness and offense. Thanks for the great advice!
Wow this speaks to me so directly. I tend to remember all the hurts people cause me. Maybe not all the time, but when I see the person or when that particular memory pops in my head. It hurts. There is a certain heaviness in my heart. But giving my burden to the Lord is something I never actively practised. This helped. Thank you so much.
I’m so thrilled that I found your post, I’ve had a very difficult time forgiving two people who have upset and hurt me recently, and I’m constantly thinking about how angry I am. I’m finding it so hard to forget so this was just what I needed, thank you so much. ♥♥♥
A tear is falling from my eye, now two, now three, now for and from both. My heart is welling up with the feeling of release. I have long been searching for this page.
I have agonized over my “forgiveness” towards my sister. I have argued internally whether I have truly, deep down, forgiven her. It has been a difficult journey. 15 years ago she had an affair with my husband. It broke our families apart. To this day it affects my children, my parents, my sisters, and me.
I had been in denial for the longest time, but just recently I realized I really need to pray. It is the only solution to relieve me of my disgust towards her. It is so much harder when it’s a family member because you just can’t set the same boundaries as someone who is outside of the circle.
Although I have set mine, to ensure I keep my distance, as I find it toxic to be close to her, it still affects my elderly parents would love nothing more than to have all their daughters get along.
There is one thing though. As much as I understand my parents, I also know there is great importance in finding peace and removing toxicity from one’s life in order to move forward.
So I keep my distance when I know her presence may be under my parents’ roof, but at the same time, every morning I pray for her and that God takes care of her.
I was not the only person she has hurt, by far. She has a long list and that list is still growing. But this is not in my hands anymore. But what I can “control” are those boundaries, and all I can do is continue to hand it all over to God. In so doing, I do feel better. And with this article, I realized that I have forgiven. The likelihood of forgetting is not, but moving forward is!!
Thank you again for this!
Forgiveness is so powerful, but it is so hard to do. I agree that many times we just stuff the offense down until we forget, but not really. Stuffing causes bitterness, anger, and resentment. But true forgiveness, releasing the offense to God, is so freeing. I’ve experienced this so many times, especially in my marriage. I am only able to love my husband the way Jesus loves me when I release everything between us to God.
I have had so many opportunities to practice deep forgiveness. Jesus calls us to be imitators of Him and He forgives endlessly, without conditions, and accepts all people while they were still His enemies….meaning that He has and He had real enemies that He felt were worth the sacrifice of being abused and dying for, just so that He could have a restored and loving relationship with us/them once again. When we love God with all of our hearts and then love each other as ourselves there is no room for division. Jesus tells us to be of “one mind” like He is with the Father because a house divided against itself will not stand. We rejoice in trials because perseverance will do its perfect work, so that according to Isaiah 61:3 They will be called oaks of righteousness,
a planting of the Lord for the display of his splendor.
WOW! I am blown away by this writing. I have been hurt many times by all of my own family and it took years and finding God to help me get past it. In the past few years my son’s wife uses him as a pawn to be extremely hurtful towards me. It has been the deepest hurt I ever felt but kept praying to God and saying to myself – it really has nothing to do with me, it has to do with them. They are just very jealous and do not have God in their lives. I pray always for their salvation with the Lord even though it is only my son who knew Him. I pray for my son to let God help him see his internal pain so He can help him find his way again. Not only myself but others close to my son can also see how much he is hurting because of his poor actions.
Praise the Lord for He Loves us so! This was just what I needed to see in my life right now,
THANK YOU – Bless You – Bless You – Bless You! ~ from one of Gods Children.
Thanks for that wonderful info on forgiveness am struggling with a situation with my son the pain is so deep I feel abandoned but I trust God to carry me through I really needed this Thanks a lot continue the good work
I understand what forgiveness means but I truly have a hard time with it. I had a lot of men who touch me in the wrong way and I have a hard time with dealing with a commandment that you should honor your mother and father. And the forgiveness comes from there and I need a lot of help from God and prayers right now to help me with this.
Hey Donna! Forgiveness is definitely not easy. When the wounds are deep it is only by the strength of Christ that we are able to forgive those who have hurt us. There have been many times where I’ve had to lay down those hurts repeatedly to Jesus. But the actually forgiving part is a choice. We can choose to hold onto the hurt or choose to forgive knowing that God is our vindicator. Honoring our parents is a command from God, but that doesn’t mean we don’t have boundaries. There are many relationships that require healthy boundaries when people continue to hurt us. I pray that God would continue to heal your heart and give you the courage and strength to forgive!