Why I Said Goodbye to the Perfect Marriage
Do you remember when you dreamed about marriage as a little girl?
Those dreams probably involved a prince charming who would sweep you off your feet, carry you away to your castle, where you’d live happily ever after.
Unfortunately real life is far from a fairytale.
And marriage is far from perfect.
My husband and I got married 20 years ago.
We thought we had the world in the palm of our hands.
We could do anything.
And then tragedy struck.
We miscarried, my dad died in a car accident and the strain of 2 small boys left us feeling overwhelmed and exhausted.
My dream of the perfect marriage was quickly fading.
My reality measured up against this ‘ideal marriage’ was causing disappointment.
Marriage didn’t look anything like what I had envisioned.
I never imagined I would be contemplating divorce at the tender age of 30.
But what I also never imagined was that God would show up the way He did.
He began to move and breathe on my situation and my perspective began to change.
I realized one very important thing….
Perfection in marriage doesn’t exist.
When God brings two imperfect people together, He’s drawing them together for His purpose and plan.
He has molded my husband and I in ways we never could have imagined….and many times it was through the pain and hardship.
We grow in the valleys of life.
During those times, when the pain seems unbearable, we have a choice…..Press through or give up.
I’m here to tell you, Press through friend.
I look back now at all that my husband and I went through and I’m grateful.
I’m not grateful for the hurt or the disappointments, but I am grateful for the fruit it has produced in our marriage.
I’m thankful that I didn’t let the idea of the “perfect marriage” ruin the perfect work God was doing.
Laying down those ideals has been one of the biggest blessings in my marriage.
My friend, Jen at Being Confident of This, talks about her struggle with having to uphold her “perfect wife” facade and her experience with the hardship of marriage.
She said,
What I needed was other Christian women who were willing to admit that marriage is hard work. I needed other Christian women to show me there is no such thing as a perfect wife. I needed women to sit with me in suffering rather than sit with me in condemnation.
When the reality of the perfect marriage begins to fade and we find ourselves in a difficult place, we need others who can relate.
I LOVE that Jen has created a place for this to happen. She and Becky Hallberg have formed a facebook group for women who are hurting in their marriages. It’s a place to be open and real without fear of condemnation. It’s a place for HOPE in marriage.
Thanks for the feature, Alisa! It’s always good to know we are not alone in our struggle to be the woman God wants us to be. Living in this world is hard! But greater is He who is in us, right?
Jen 🙂
I too had unrealistic expectations for what marriage would look like. I have been married 30 years, and I have to say only in the last five years have I settled into an acceptance of what it is and who we are.
It is so important to realize that two imperfect people are under the Sovereign care of the Perfect God. When we expect our significant other to complete us ,we can run into a huge loss.
Only Jesus can complete us !
Love this post and especially this: “I’m thankful that I didn’t let the idea of the “perfect marriage” ruin the perfect work God was doing.” Amen!