3 Ways to Overcome in a Troubled Marriage
And they overcame him by the blood of the Lamb and by the word of their testimony….
Revelation 12:11
These are powerful words that resonate so well with us – it’s a victorious verse if we look at just this one verse. I’d challenge you to read all of Revelation 11, though, because what is it that always leads to a victory?
A battle. A war.
And in order to overcome, you have to engage in the battle.
You can’t be an overcomer by turning away from the battle.
Just over three years ago, the battle came knocking on my door – literally. After realizing the war that would have to be waged, my immediate choice became whether to stay and fight, or run away.
While I can usually make well-thought decisions quite quickly, I determined not to do that in this situation. The life of my family was at stake. The decisions made by my husband were enough to let me consider divorce, or to fight for my family.
I took time to make the decision, to pray and listen to what God was saying.
It seems that the decision to stay, to support a person in the midst of an ugly addiction, wasn’t a popular choice. The majority of my support system walked out of my life.
So, how do you overcome in a marriage riddled with deceit and addiction,
leading to pain and intense shame?
How do you fight the battle that you never wanted?
Here are 3 ways to overcome in a troubled marriage:
PRAY
In times of deep, unexpected trauma, we often find ourselves feeling numb. Those are times when the enemy can easily plant thoughts in our mind to distract us and increase the pain.
It’s important to be on our guard, even in the numbness, and to be filling our minds with God’s Word and with prayer. I’ve shared 3 simple prayers that were the ones that got me through some of my darkest times. I fully believe God wants to hear from us, no matter what we have to say.
My prayers have become more of an ongoing conversation with God.
Yes, there are still times I have set aside specifically to pray. Beyond that, though, there are conversations when I don’t necessarily close my eyes and bow my head, but share my heart with God through my thoughts. And friend, let me tell you that I share all my thoughts – the good ones, the hurtful ones, the angry ones, the sad and broken-hearted ones. He is the One who created me; He knows and understands my feelings better than anyone.
[clickToTweet tweet=”In the praying / talking to God, we also need to be listening.” quote=”In the praying / talking to God, we also need to be listening.”]
ABIDE
In the initial months of my marriage falling apart, it was easy to abide – to sit, to wait on God, to pray and listen. As life slowly eased back to normal, my day filled up with all the things that must be done. While returning to some normalcy was nice, I found I missed the time of just sitting. I missed the rest, the being still, and especially the listening to God.
I have had to be intentional in continuing to implement my times of being still before the Lord. Sometimes that means getting up a little earlier, other times it means choosing to set aside what I think is important and choose time with the Lord instead.
The times of obedience in abiding have been some of the most beautiful times. God promises to never leave us or forsake us (Hebrews 13:5), and in those times of abiding, He shows me the precious ways He is fulfilling that promise in my life.
TRUST
When your trust is shattered in marriage, the last thing you want is for someone to tell you to trust. Our entire nature seems to balk at that. Yet, here I am, doing just that – asking you to trust.
Trust God.
I know (firsthand) the pain of broken trust, of a shattered heart. I know the shame associated with terrible choices.
I also know that the only way to true healing is with Jesus. The One who created our hearts is the only one who can truly heal them.
I can’t promise that your marriage will heal and be restored, but I can promise that God Himself will make you whole. His love, His promises to you, don’t stop. They aren’t contingent upon your marriage.
They are based solely on Him – on His Word and rooted in His grace and mercy.
And while a failed or broken marriage may certainly feel like God has let you down in a mighty big way, we have to remember that it wasn’t God who made the damaging choices.
But it is God who can do the healing.
It is God who can raise the dead!
Friend, if your marriage has suffered a blow, if the enemy has knocked at your door, please remember this:
We serve a God who created this world from nothing. He spoke, and it came to be.
We serve a God who parted the Red Sea, who caused Gideon’s army of 300 to defeat the Midianites.
We serve a God who sent His Son to die for our sins, but who also raised him from the dead to give us hope!
Is there anything too hard for our God?
There is nothing too hard for our God!
Jesus came to die for our sins – all our sins. The sins and mistakes of others are covered by the same blood of Jesus that paid for my redemption.
While fighting for a very broken marriage is a hard thing to do, we can do it because of the blood of Jesus – because of the redemption that He offers.
But we do not belong to those who shrink back and are destroyed,
but to those who have faith and are saved.
Hebrews 10:39
If you’re fighting a battle for your marriage, I would love to hear from you so that I can be praying with you and for you.
About the Author:
Rebekah has been completely overwhelmed by the grace and mercy of the Lord in her life. He has proven His faithfulness in every area of her life, especially in her marriage. She has come to understand the power of redemption and God’s work in her own marriage. Her goal is to be Sharing Redemption’s Stories – encouraging wives who are praying for redemption in their marriage.
You can connect with her on: Facebook | Twitter | Pinterest | Instagram
It’s always so encouraging to me to hear stories like yours! I love what you wrote about trust!ing God. In my fight for my marriage I gained a trust in God that cannot be stolen from me. Unfortunately in the end, things didn’t work out for us because .i was fighting alone, but I gained so much in the process. I pray for marriages and encourage anyone fighting not to give up! It’s definitely Gods best plan to stay in the battle and overcome. I believe if you were to ask my husband 10 years later if he would have stay in the fight knowing what he know now, he would say yes. Divorce is so much harder than this fight. Stay in the fight knowing God will get you through!
Thank you, Laurie – your words are such an encouragement to me. I often wonder how much we miss (just in life, in general) by giving up too soon. Yes – a trust that cannot be stolen…yes! While the issues that damaged our marriage were based in my husband’s choices, I know that this has built my trust in God like probably no other situation could. Thank you!
Please pray for my husband and marriage- after a few years of me being sick with Lyme disease and us suffering financially as well, he left and is pursuing a divorce. He said he no longer wants anything to do with God. He blames both God and me for all of our problems and is trying to get as far away as possible. The Lord spoke to me and told me to Stand Firm for my marriage and stand in the gap for my husband. I’ve been doing it for over a year. I’m weary and see no changes in my husband’s heart, or our marriage. He doesn’t have contact with me– his heart is hard.
Hi Katherine,
I’m sorry to hear you struggled with Lyme disease. We have many friends who have had to deal with that and it’s been hard to see them go through it. Financial issues have been a real thing for us, too – some of our worst times have been fights when finances were bad. I wish I could tell you that your husband’s heart will eventually change & he’ll come back. I can’t promise that. What I can promise is what Laurie mentioned in another comment here – a trust in the Lord that no one can take from you. Let God work in your heart and in your husband’s, and trust Him for the very best plans for your life. I’m praying for you!
I’m praying with and for you!
Katherine, how heartbreaking that must be! I love that God spoke so clearly to your heart. I prayed for my husband for years, and right when I wanted to give up, God did what I couldn’t do. Hang in there, friend! Trust God, He is working on your behalf, even when you don’t see the fruit. In my situation, God literally changed him completely over a course of a few months. I’m believing God will do the same for you. That He will so show up in your husband’s life that He won’t be able to deny the goodness of God! Also praying and believing for complete healing over your body, in Jesus’ name!!
Plse pray with me for my husband’s heart to be soften, breaking up with his wrong friendship circle, drinking habits and then only return home when he feels like it, he admitted in one week that he wants to be single.
That God will plant a seed in his heart so that he can become a Kingdom Builder for God instead of pleasing the world. God to restore in him his self esteem. That God will guide me through this rough path. I believe that God will use this marriage as a “miracle” to the people who is in the world. (My husband is loved by the people he drinks with and his friends, he has betrayed me in the last 16mnths with 4 different women).
I trust God for this
Renette, I’m praying for you and your husband! I know this cycle well. My marriage is a testimony of God’s grace- a marriage that only He could redeem. He is faithful! Stand strong and believe that He will show up! I’m standing with you in the battle!! Father, we pray for Renette and her husband. Lord, your word says to let nothing separate what You have brought together- not alcohol, not friends, not selfish ambition. Lord we ask You to send laborers to her husband, speaking truth into his life. Lord, open his eyes to what’s most important. Lord help him to see his marriage the way you see it. Jesus, keep Renette strong. When she’s feeling weak, be her strength. Help her to rest in You, knowing You are working on her behalf. In Jesus’ name, Amen!
Renette, I am praying with you. It’s difficult when our husbands hang with the wrong crowd and find pleasure in circumstances that are not what we’d like them to be. God has a wonderful way of changing hearts, of changing perspectives, and of changing lives, that we can’t begin to fathom. I’m praying that God will work in your husband’s life – cause him to meet people who have walked away from this lifestyle. May God make it so evident that He is at work, that your husband won’t be able to deny it. I’m praying for your heart as well – it is hard to wait for change, not even knowing whether it will show up. I promise you this, though – God is faithful. His ways are higher than ours, and His faithfulness may not be what we hope for, but we can put our trust in Him because He is GOOD! His faithfulness endures to all generations. Trust in Him.
What a beautiful, brave, and encouraging post, Becky. Although I’m sorry this battle had to be faced – that it’s even here on earth – I’m thankful you overcame with the blood of the Lamb. I watched a friend walk a similiar path in her marriage. It was a battle for certain. Bravo to you for listening closely to our Lord, for hearing His voice and walking His way. May the Lord bless and grow you, may His love enfold your day-to-day, and may your marriage mirror His grace with beauty. Alisa, thank you for sharing blog space today for such a strong story. #thoughtprovokingThursday
I agree, Kristi! I love Becky’s bravery and commitment to God and her marriage. Her story is beautiful and powerful!
When we get hurt by others, our immediate response is to react, driven by pure emotion. It’s then we must learn to do exactly as you said… be quiet and listen to God. Pray and seek His guidance and definitely trust that He will lead us to do His will. Thanks for sharing your story.
Um…me…I am in need of healing for my hurt and angry heart. I feel unloved by my husband because he don’t seem to care much about me. Yes I know that he has ALOT of pain and hurt in his life that he doesn’t seem to have the urgency to help him and our marriage to move on. I feel like I am the only one that wants to change but that leaves me feeling frustrated. I know in my head that God is the answer and I continue to give it to HIm. I know He will do it but in the meanwhile it is really hard. thank you for these tips. I am going to read the three prayers now
Hi Kristina,
It’s really hard when they don’t seem to want to change, isn’t it? I feel like my husband is stubborn, insensitive, even cruel when I think he’s acting like that. The truth is, though, men and women process things so very differently. Even all these years later, my husband and I still come at things from very different directions.
What about writing him a letter – no meanness, no criticism, just heartfelt words about how YOU feel (not what you think he’s done). No one can question your feelings – they reflect your perception of the world. Sometimes men need to be able to process our requests slowly, without any perceived judgment.
What about asking him out on a date? Something fun and light-hearted, to break the ice. (No movies, though – something where you have to talk and interact. Bowling? Ice/Roller skating? A picnic before the weather gets too cold – take a frisbee, a kite – just something fun and easy).
Praying for you. Use this time to work on your own relationship with God. Ask God where He wants you to be in terms of this relationship, and ask Him to get you to that point. Keep praying for your husband – pray for the good things – health, work, safety. And make it a point to thank your husband for all the good things he does do. (That really baffles them…in a good way!) 😉